Moving and Money

My roommate is moving to New York City; it's a dream of hers. She wants to be an actress, so logically, New York City makes sense. But in a lot of ways, it's very abrupt. She's moving in a week, when the lease on our apartment ends at the end of May. And while I'm excited for her, bt's also frustrating in a way. She owns a lot of the furniture and appliances in the house, and so I have to buy all sorts of new stuff for 2 months.

Because at the end of May, I have no idea where I'm going or what I'll be doing. So maybe it is time for to have a microwave and toaster and full set of dishes for myself. But maybe I'll be moving in somewhere else.

Also, if I was getting married, I could register for all of this stuff. Why is there a penalty for wanting to set up house as someone who isn't getting married? Don't I have the right to have someone else buy all of my kitchen stuff for me?

Mostly it's an annoyance because I'm in the midst of some money problems. Probably not anything important compared to the seemingly entire and endless collapse of the economy around the world, but for me, it's pretty stressful. I spent $300 fixing a car that still has problems running, and I'll be owing money to the government. That has never happened to me before. I didn't realize I'd actually made enough money this year to have to owe any money; while I'm happy that I'm no longer living below the poverty line, I have no idea where I'm going to get the money to cover the cost.

I was considering a move to the city, or a move anywhere to a place by myself, but that would require saving up some money. It seems impossible to save while paying off the bills. Anyone else have that problem?

Inauguration

I'm sitting on the floor of my living room, watching the inauguration of Barack Obama, our nation's 44th president. I find myself, rather inexplicably, feeling almost choked up and getting chills at times. There's so much about America that I find distressing, and yet, there's so much of it that is stunning. It's such an exciting and historic moment. Not only is it the first African-American president, but it's also such an uncertain and volatile time around the world. I don't konw what's going to happen and if/when things change, but it's exciting to see that there is something positive occuring.

Though, to be fair, how many people throughout time and history have considered what was happening during their life to be uncertain and volatile; is this time a special one solely because we are living it? Clearly, I've been reading too much Annie Dillard recently...

It's one of those moments that you remember, one that you will tell your children about...I understand that that's a cliche, and yet, sometimes cliches are apt.

And look at that everyone...he is swearing in on a Bible!

It's been 8 years of someone who can't string sentences together; this is a good moment!

Craving

For awhile now, I've had a craving for wavy lays and ranch dressing. About a week ago, I indulged, bought a package and some dressing and I have had a plateful of chips and dip everyday since. It's a bit distressing to realize that I have almost finished a bag of chips and an entire can of dip by myself. Ah well. Hopefully after this, my cravings will switch to carrots and celery, though I have my doubts! I've never been one for actively eating healthy food. I think that it's ideal, I know that it's better for me, and yet, it's easier to get something fast.

I wonder if it is me just holding myself back, taking the path of least resistance. It is easier to dump out some chips as compared to cooking something healthy with multiple ingredients. Part of me wonders at the point of making an elaborate meal when it's just me and I subsist just fine on pasta, cereal, and sandwiches. Another part wonders why I balk at investing time, money and energy in myself. Feeding myself better would make me healthier, prolong my life, give me personal satisfaction in making something for myself, and yet I return to the bag of chips.

I have been thinking about change recently. I don't mind where I work, but it's not where I want to work forever. I don't mind where I live, but I don't want to live here forever. But without action, I will be here forever. I will be eating wavy lays dipped in ranch dressing, foregoing an actual meal as long as I let myself.

I have a coffee mug with the Thoreau quote: Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. How is it that we have to be reminded of this? Why is it such a struggle? Or perhaps it's just me.